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A wild reason you might feel unsure of your next step

Oh, hello dear one,

In the middle of the pandemic, on a birthday Zoom call (I know you feel me!), I shared with a group of my very wise friends that I could feel as though I was in a biiiiig transition time.

Transitioning from one identity to another.
From one set of tools to another.
From one set of priorities to another.
From one worldview to another.

If you’re not familiar with the term, “archetype,” it means a particular kind of energy or essence that we can recognize or even live out. 

The Rockstar is an archetype. The Damsel in Distress is an archetype. The Strict Headmaster, The Shaman, The Trickster, all archetypes. You get the idea.

As for me, I’ll always be a mother, but at that birthday time, I could feel The Mother archetype loosening it’s ownership of me and a new archetype wanting to be lived through me. But I didn’t yet feel like a Crone.

One of my very wise friends smiled slyly and informed me that (of course) there is an archetype missing — or perhaps removed? — from that traditional trio.

The Queen.

It’s actually Maiden → Mother → Queen → Crone.

(Or the less gender-specific, more inclusive version: Student → Creator → Leader → Elder.)

Anyway, back to the virtual party. 

The way archetypes tend to do, the words “The Queen” resonated through my body with the zing of recognition.

Of course! I’m not yet an Elder! But The Queen as an energy, a particular kind of wisdom, an archetype, was asking to be lived through me.

Not The Queen as tyrant but The Sovereign Queen, one who is whole unto herself. Who has backbone. Who has seen some sh!t and whose body has become strong enough and whose heart has become huge enough to hold it all without breaking.

The Beneficent Queen, whose motivation is care and truth and the proper use of power.

The Queen, as one who knows how to make loving herself into something sacred. Who knows better than to disregard the potency of fear, yet who knows how to walk right through fear’s fire.

The Queen, whose inner knowing and inner seeing is keen, who knows how to listen  until her next step becomes clear.

The Queen who knows her value, and in whose presence you feel your own enoughness.

The Queen as grown-ass woman.

The Queen of plenty. Of clever dirty jokes. Of fathomless wisdom.

Our culture tends to erase this phase of life,
this archetype. 

A woman who knows her own worth? Who is whole unto herself? Who is at the center of her own life? Who isn’t waiting for a broken culture to recognize her, but has made her own damn crown? 

No, our culture prefers to praise us only for our maidenly blush or procreative prowess and then chide us for being over the hill and hurry us out of sight, rather than recognize this powerful, queenly phase of life that is each of our birthright.

But still. Transitions between one phase of life to another can be rough.

Sometimes it takes a dark night
to create a luminous queen.

Transitions are a shedding and a revelation, an agony and an ecstasy. 

One part of you is dying at the same time another is being born. Something is being lost while you are finding something else entirely.

The tools that used to work, now don’t. The priorities, worldview, and very identity that fit yesterday, are sloughing off today.

It’s disorienting, confusing, and you can feel unsure of your next step.

If you, dear one, feel a bit unsure, perhaps this is the wild reason: You are in the nethers, between one phase of life and another, one sense of yourself and another.

Perhaps you are at the threshold
of the realm of The Queen.

Whenever I share this same wisdom with a friend or a client, who is feeling a bit lost in the land of transitions, I see the look of revelation wash over their body, like it washed over mine on that birthday Zoom call.

I have been doula-ing women from one archetypal stage to the next decades before recognizing that I myself was getting initiated into The Queen phase.

My queenly ass cheeks are halfway seated on my throne. I’m learning, I’m listening, to how The Queen archetype wants to have her way with me.

Although I’m not yet fully planted in this new way
of seeing myself and the world,
I am not unsure of my next step.

To all the steps that are yours to take,

Moving you through the dark night & into your one wild precious life

PS: One way to describe my mastermind—well, mistressmind—program is a curriculum for Queens. 

We don’t officially begin until June, but early enrollment is underway and the growing group of participants is already magnificent.

Learn more about Meant To Be.

PPS: Image by Julia Maryanska Photography

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