Let’s dig into the deep, the dire & the delicious

Why am I so afraid of the unknown? [Lillith’s story]

Some changes are easy, like butter.  Some changes, although they feel RIGHT, are also AGONIZING, as though parts of us (that we aren’t quite done with yet) are burning, burning away.

This is because it is our very IDENTITY that changes, and because we turn and face the abyss of the “unknown” — some of the scariest, most exhilarating things to go through as a human being.

As my client Lillith puts it, “I’m very afraid I will have no meaning/purpose/place in my friendships and family life if I don’t just keep on with the story that I’m responsible for everyone else’s problems.”

Come have a glimpse of Lillith’s experience, and also of the extraordinary, seldom-known truths about the UNKNOWN that help ease the agony as we change into the women we are aching to be.

LiYana to Lillith:

I wanted to share a little of what’s been passing through my system since our session a few days ago.  You cautioned that I might experience some repressed feelings.  You were right.  I’ve felt an immense sense of hopelessness and lots of resentment.  So.  Tired.  So.  Tired.

Yesterday I sat by the water with my sister and cried and told her a very small amount of what I’ve been feeling and she listened.  Now all I want to do is apologize for being a burden and for not knowing all the answers and for not being “put together.”  I won’t do it, but this is a very common reaction for me when I feel I’ve been “too much.”

I also feel an almost irrepressible compulsion to “make a plan,” “get over it,” and “just choose something” so that I’m comprehensible again.  Also very common thread.

I’m very afraid I will have no meaning/purpose/place in my friendships and family life if I don’t just keep on with the story that I’m responsible for everyone else’s problems.

So ….  I see that all these things are old habits.  I know that they are no longer useful.  I KNOW that it’s time to be done with this pattern.  I also see how it’s served me in the past.

BUT the hard part, oh so hard, is to wait for what’s next.  To really listen to what I want and who I am without the label of “responsible one” or “one who knows all.”

On that last bit, you might be interested to know that when I did the exercise in your book where we asked for the name of our Yoni … the name Zella came through.  I was so surprised to get any answer at all and then delighted by the definition itself.  Know what her name means?  “Lacking nothing, one who knows the path.”  !!!  What.

I so love it and it makes it so much more true that I HAVE to stay with the unknown.

I have to be incomprehensible to myself for now, especially when I look at myself from a mental/logical perspective.  Because my pattern has usually been to put something in the place of the unknown void.  I don’t wait to hear my inner voice, I look for someone else or something else to speak for me.

LiYana to Lillith:

No denying this is intense.

As you know, these feelings are coming up because you are strong enough and able to be with them, now at this time in your life.  You weren’t before.  You were small and young and dependent on others to care for your well-being and very existence.  At one point in time, it was useful to hide your feelings and your inner voice, to learn to “read” others, and to define your identity by how well others were placated.

So, first of all, I applaud you for being able to feel all of this, acknowledge it, and also have the clarity that it is your biggest, toughest pattern that is up, loud and clear, asking to be changed, but at the same time fighting that change.

Also, I call what you are experiencing a “vulnerability hangover.”  You didn’t do whiskey shots with your sister — or with me in our session — but you really let us see parts of you that you’ve spent your whole life hiding, and that often feels, well, vulnerable.  And like a hangover.  :0

I know it feels scary as shit to confront, “Who am I?  If I’m not the solver of all problems, the holder of all emotions, then who am I?  Who will need me?  What is my value?”  When our sense of identity feels shaken, it is extremely uneasy for our systems.  So, what you are experiencing is a big deal.


The thing to keep in mind is that, while our natural reaction to the unknown is fear, the unknown that you are stepping into is such a loving, magical, and soulful unknown.

The abyss you are staring down isn’t cold, unfeeling, or dangerous; it’s actually a friend.  A friend who wants the best for you and clearly sees what you came here to be and do.

The unknown you are looking into is Feminine Genius, it is your soul path, it is your inner voice.  The unknown LOVES YOU.

A part of you knows this.  Zella knows this!  “Lacking nothing, one who knows the path.”  Snap!  (Wow, thank you for sharing that Yoni-naming story with me)!

Although it can at first feel so frightening to comprehend, “If I am not what I’ve told myself (and everyone else) I am, then WHO ON EARTH AM I?  What if I have a rotten core?  What if I am boring, despicable, ordinary?

But the you that you TRULY ARE is breathtaking, humble, and confident — not a scary spectre with soul-annihilating teeth.

You can feel good about all this groping around in the dark.  Because the dark you are groping around in, loves you so much.

Who you are without the labels — we don’t know if you’ll be you as you are now (but a hundred cosmic pounds lighter) or if you’ll be completely different, with different friends, career, and wardrobe.  But we do know you will have the unmistakable light of a woman who has climbed into her own skin and is at home there.

Discovering who you are is always a blessed homecoming.  It might hurt at times.  You might leave parts of you — or parts of your life — behind.  But at some point, all the pains come simply to sit on top of the strong and satisfied foundation that is YOU.  The pains come and go; they shake you, but they don’t define you, they don’t negate your beautiful life, and they don’t destroy you.

Yes, logic and mental gyrations will not get you to where you are going.

You are learning a new language, the language of Feminine Genius, which often appears at first as “the unknown.”

It is the PRIVILEGE as well as the RESPONSIBILITY of being human to listen to what you want.  To perk up your ears and listen ardently into the unknown.

What you listen TO is the energy of soul, aka Feminine Genius, aka the unknown.  And the responses you begin to hear direct you to enjoy being you, to do the things you came here to do, and to rest in the knowing that the life you are living is good and true.

You are carving yourself out of unknown stone.  This is good, needed work.  This is what it feels like.   You are doing it.  You were made for this.

So were you.

Okay, now your turn:

Come join the discussion and complete this sentence, “I’m very afraid I will have no meaning/purpose/place in my friendships and family life if I don’t just keep on with the story that ________.”

PS:  You’ll find the “Yoni-naming” exercise that Lillith mentioned, in my book FEMININE GENIUS, available at book-sellers everywhere.  I also created a free bonus masterclass for you that shows you how to dialogue with your inner knowing and how to decode and trust the responses you hear, which you can get here.

PPS:  Nope, Lillith isn’t her real name.

PPPS:  I have one space open and available for one:one coaching now; otherwise it will be later in 2018.  If you feel it might have your name engraved on it, you’re probably right.  Come find out here.

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