Most of us are familiar with the “easiest” way to grow confidence: you go for it, you work for it, you get it!

But I want to introduce you to the “hardest” way to grow confidence, as well.

It might be even better than the easiest way, in terms of the quality of confidence it grows, even though it will kick your ass the whole way.

I suspect this article on perfectionism will be useful to bring with you into this holiday season. It comes with a little challenge, too, so I hope you’ll stay with me all the way to the end.

Too often, to be a woman alive today means to be obsessed with being “perfect.”

Perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect posture, perfect weight, perfect grades, perfect kids, perfect partner, perfect manners, perfect shoes.

The promise is that once we reach “perfect” we’ll finally be okay. Accepted. Loved. Enough. Worthy. Safe.

Now, have you ever reached “perfect?” Me neither.

And yet, perfectionism remains a popular and crowded industry.

I think there are actually three kinds of perfectionism. One kind is deadly. Two kinds, however, hold clues to really learning to like ourselves. As we are, now.

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Your body is a temple.

I’ve heard that phrase many times before. I have always loved it, but truth be told, I only let it sink in as far as, “Too many French fries just ain’t good for this sacred vessel o’ mine.” Or, “Less complaining, more gratitude.” And, “If this eyeliner blinded the bunny it was tested on, I surely should not, ethically or practically, put it on my eyes.”

But really, what if my body were ACTUALLY a temple?

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Whatever you put on your plate today, make sure to include this.

I have a friend, Annie, who believes that certain words we think of as nouns should actually be verbs. Like the word, “woman.”

So that instead of being a noun — a static person, place, or thing — the word “woman” should be a verb — a moving, changing, transforming action.

So that “woman” instead of remaining something stationary becomes “womaning,” a moving, shaking, dazzling motion.

To woman or not to woman, that becomes the question.

So today, and every day, thank you for all the ways you woman.

When my son was about two years old, he would often get upset trying to figure out a new toy — like most toddlers (and let’s be honest, most grown-ups) do. One afternoon, both of us seated on the green and blue squares of the playmat, he tried to shove a circle-shaped block into a square-shaped hole. He wailed, he flailed, and then he threw the block across the room.

After a few tears and a hug I suggested, “Honey, you could try HARDER or you could try DIFFERENT.”

I think this is good advice for grown-ups too.

Because there comes that moment for all of us when we just can’t get that circle-shaped block into the square-shaped hole. We used to be able to! It worked just fine yesterday, but now, today, for some reason, it won’t go.

So what most of us do, especially as women, is try HARDER. We shove, we stay at it longer, we use force. And sometimes it works. Sometimes the hard work, willpower, and hustle pays off. We get the raise, the trophy, the recognition. We pull off some damn impressive stuff.

But what about when it no longer works?

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