at the end of december last year, i got an offer from my dream publisher to publish my first book.

its working title is Feminine Genius and it is slated to make its way into this world in spring of 2017.

i define Feminine Genius as the intelligence a woman uses to source her truth, her choices, and her contributions to the world that is divine in origin and felt by her in her body.

(note:  men have Feminine Genius too, but my book is written for women).

at that alchemical moment in time that is new year’s eve, when one year gives way to a new one, i asked my husband a question:  what do you see and want for me, this year, as i write this book?

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so, i’m chewing on this puzzle:

how breakdowns, depressions, heartbreaks, ruptures, rock bottoms and dark nights of the soul can be blessings, miracles and moments of grace.

what is a blessing?  a miracle?  grace?

i know that in the presence of grace, what formerly felt impossible feels not just possible but inevitable.  i know that the miraculous brings a feeling of being no longer alone, the truest embrace.  a blessing is something other-worldly, brought squarely into this world.  a terrified part of ourselves unclenches and relaxes into the sunshine embrace of life.  we feel in unity with a force that is larger than us, yet part of us.

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“thank you for all the ways you’ve been saying ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ and doing great cooperation together, love.”

“you’re welcome, mama.”

“it’s fun to be in a good mood together, right?”

“yeah.”

“i love you when you are grumpy and upset and sad, too.  i love you, and i love being with you, no matter what mood you are in.”

“me, too, mama.  i like all the feelings.”

i glance in the rearview mirror at my three-and-a-half-year-old cutie pie.  he’s looking content in his car seat, munching brown rice crackers.

you like all the feelings???

you.  like.  all.  the.  feelings ??? 

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i’ve yet to title this new poem. won’t you give me a suggestion for a title, in the comments below? THAT will be a fun way to dialogue 😉

the love of my life and my wish to die

you are my wail and you are my sigh

you are my start and my short, sharp stop

my daily bread, my cherry on top

my tripwire, wound and the sprinkled salt

you are my cure and you are my fault

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you know why you are advised to keep your gas tank close to full, or at the very least, not to let it get to empty, right?

if you don’t know — or if you have very little to do with cars and gas tanks and such things — the reason is that there is naturally-occuring sediment in gasoline.  when you top up, it sinks down; the sediment collects at the very bottom of your gas tank.

it is perfectly innocuous until …

… you let your tanks run low or run out of gas entirely.  and then, the sediment starts to circulate through the car’s system, causing problems, mucking up the works.

strange, murky sediment gets kicked up when we let our own gas tanks run low.

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