blog (aka wisdom bombs)
here's where i drop 'em like it's hot, from my Feminine Genius to yours.

Rockin’ it in one area of life and rocky in another. (What gives?)

When I think of women who are rockin’ it in one area of their lives while it’s pretty rocky in at least one other, I think of Morgan, Jaymie, and Alonna.

These three — former clients and friends of mine (although not their real names) — did what most of us do and spent a lot of time feeling like a fraud and beating up on themselves for not having their shit together.

But then these three (each in her own way) did something quite unusual and interesting that helped to elevate (in remarkable ways) that area of her life she was struggling through.

Allow me to walk you through what these three did — and undid — so you can do your own version.

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When success is a mirage

“I think you have success dysmorphia,” my friend Ali told me.

Dysmorphia means “wrongly shaped,” a term usually paired with “body” as in “body dysmorphia,” when you look at yourself and see someone remarkably fatter, stupider, or uglier than you actually are.

Unable to see yourself as you truly are, you see yourself only as you aren’t.

When Ali diagnosed me with success dysmorphia, I could have checked off most of the items on my list that defined success for me — a healthy body, a healthy baby, a wonderful husband, loyal and inspiring friends, organic food in the fridge, a full coaching practice, a dance contract with the Metropolitan Opera Ballet, a publishing contract for my first book, plenty of income, weekly massages, a beautiful home, a good relationship with my parents, cute shoes, a well-fed cat — but I didn’t FEEL successful.

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Why am I so afraid of the unknown? [Lillith’s story]

Some changes are easy, like butter.  Some changes, although they feel RIGHT, are also AGONIZING, as though parts of us (that we aren’t quite done with yet) are burning, burning away.

This is because it is our very IDENTITY that changes, and because we turn and face the abyss of the “unknown” — some of the scariest, most exhilarating things to go through as a human being.

As my client Lillith puts it, “I’m very afraid I will have no meaning/purpose/place in my friendships and family life if I don’t just keep on with the story that I’m responsible for everyone else’s problems.”

Come have a glimpse of Lillith’s experience, and also of the extraordinary, seldom-known truths about the UNKNOWN that help ease the agony as we change into the women we are aching to be.

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Do YOU think like Harvey Weinstein (Hollywood harasser du jour)?

First of all, #metoo.

(Warning: this could be upsetting; it’s full of frank language on the subject of harassment and assault of women).

News of the moment: over 25 women have stepped forward about the sexual harassment, intimidation, and assault they experienced over the years at the hands of Hollywood mogul, Harvey Weinstein.  I share in the collective (rightful) outrage at this breaking story (that is also as old as the hills), and the doubt about how to change it.

But, I have to tell you, I had a shocking thought the other day, related to all this madness.

I want to share that thought with you (warning, it’s not pretty) and what I can see as the mindsets that normalize and perpetuate actions like Harvey Weinstein’s — an unsavory but common set of mindsets that live in so, so, so many of us.

Let’s start with my not-pretty thoughts.

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How do I clear the chatter & hear my inner voice? [Q+A]

“Q for LiYana:  How to clear the chatter in my brain & hear my inner voice & trust what I’m hearing?”

This juicy Q just came across my desk, and I want to give my A to it here.  Or, maybe better to say “I want to give my my R to it here.”  I definitely don’t have “The Answers,” but I’ve got some “responses.”  May they be useful for connecting you to your own answers.

So, my R for part one of the great Q above.

She’s asking, “OK, I got as far as, listen to my inner voice, but which ONE of my inner voices?  The voices from my chattering mind are different from my inner knowing?  How’s that?  How can I tell them apart?”

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