i had dinner a while ago with two of my girlfriends at a sumptuous French bistro by the bay in San Francisco.
these women are both stunningly beautiful, smart as whips and entrepreneurial wizards.
one’s married to a gorgeous surgeon at the best hospital in SF, is about to give birth to her first baby any day now and is glowing and at ease since she just put two year’s worth (!!!) of income in the bank so she can give herself completely over to mommy hood.
the other had recently spoken to an audience of several thousand people, is in an epic love affair with a millionaire celebrity hottie and was sharing about her travels with dear girlfriends to four exotic countries last year while bringing in near seven figures in her biz.
they both radiate health, style, quiet self-confidence and soul-deep contentment.
i was showered in enough brilliance to put PG&E out of business and light up the evening skyline.
so, then the question is: was i crawling out of my skin with envy? did i carefully watch what i said, for fear of seeming stupid or inept? did i worry they would talk shit about me later? did i feel less beautiful, less successful and less lovable as i compared myself to these women and their lives?
READ: did i worry if i could really trust these women?
the answer is NO.
i find that one of the biggest energy leaks for women is the fear and mistrust we have of other women.
and here’s WHY:
over thousands of years (for as long as women have been dependent on others for our food, care, roof-over-our-heads, money, reputation and personal power),we have grown to see other women as threats.
if someone else has control over the stuff you need, you can very quickly get into competition with the other folks who might get your stuff instead of you.
:: she comes from a better family than you? she gets married to the powerful bread-winner, not you.
:: she’s more beautiful than you? she gets the love affair, not you.
:: she’s smarter than you? she gets the dream job, not you.
:: she’s sexier than you? she gets the love. the loyalty, and the soul-bursting orgasms, not you.
:: she makes more money than you? she gets the admiration and the status, not you.
there are two really big stinky problem with this popular line of reasoning:
1. competition is not women’s true nature.
2. there are enough love affairs, dream jobs, love, loyalty, orgasms, admiration and status for every woman. and plenty left over.
many of us women are no longer dependent on others for the stuff we need to flourish. (no not ALL women, not by a long shot. but probably YOU)
however, we can still see other women as threats, to be competed with and preferably bested. we still have left-over and outdated mistrust coursing through our DNA, built up over thousands of years.
not ALL women are trustable, yet. but A CERTAIN KIND of women is thoroughly and powerfully trustable:
:: she is no longer at war with herself, but who has befriended herself.
:: she reveres her body, learns the language of her inner wisdom and prioritizes her juiciness. because of those things, she then starts to trust her self.
:: she no longer sees herself as a wild beast, just waiting for her to loose the reins of control for a moment, only to run off into the wilds of fat-lonely-ugly-broke-toothless-and-homeless.
:: she is fueled by her sensuality and trusts her desires to lead her.
she is rockin’ her own unique brand of the feminine.
:: she’s no longer trying to GET; she has an overflow to GIVE.
:: she coaxes out your best: instead of feeling smaller and less than in her presence, you feel that the brightest, most glorious version of you is not just possible, but probable.
because of all this, she’s the kind of woman who is thoroughly and powerfully trustable.
your body, your woman’s body, is hooked up to infallible divine guidance.
the energy that courses through your veins is the same that infinitely renewable Source that powers life itself, so you can create a baby, create a business or create real change in the world.
i stand proudly astride my soap box and say (because i know for myself and have observed in other sassy lassies): a woman’s true nature is overflowing-enough-ness.
in fact, here are some snapshots of women who graduated from my mentorship program, Meant To Be: The Mastermind.
every single one came in asking the question, “can i really trust other women?” and came out with these answers:
“where as before I didn’t trust women friends and had some really toxic experiences of gossip and lack of support, now i have loving, connected, empowered and supporting relationships with women that feels like sisters. there is support to shine in the world, for me to be who I am and be held in loving light as i hold my sisters in loving light.”
“i was able to connect with other women before, but i was always holding something back to keep me safe from getting hurt. i now see every woman as my sister, loving her deeply. i am surrounding myself with support from women in my life and instead of seeing it as taking away my productive time. i see it as life-giving requirement.”
“i now have an entourage proclaiming my power and the value of what I bring to the world. i’ve rarely felt as powerful as i do in the witnessing of this group of women.”
“the women who I experienced this group mentorship with are in my life forever. The bonds we built between each other are those of immense trust and understanding. They are an extension of family for me, and I am forever grateful for having them in my life.”
when a woman’s well is full, it naturally overflows in the juiciest of ways on to other people. you get clear on what you want to contribute to the world. you value your voice, tremendously. you take pleasure in your daily moments NOW while you yearn deliciously for WHAT’S NEXT on your adventure plate.
around you, people can’t wait to be their best selves. your presence is firestick, lighting a flame in their hearts.
can you really trust other women? no, not all of them.
but can you trust the lit-up ones? the ones that are at home in their skins, who have found a compass at their core, who know their worth and who are rocking their own unique brand of the feminine?
you can trust that kind of woman with your child. with your newest, tenderest desire. with the keys to your Porsche or your raw, hurting heart.
you can trust her to hold you with love and respect. you can trust her to call bullshit on you when you need some stretching. you can trust her to remind you of your beauty and brilliance (randomly, and when you need it most).
i have purposely surrounded myself with THIS kind of sisterhood: i hang out with them, mastermind with them, cry with them, celebrate with them and dine with them.
i have purposely aligned every bit of my teaching, leading, writing and coaching to SERVE the emergence of THIS kind of woman.
in the presence of their firestick beings, the world becomes lit.
i pray you have at least one woman like this, if not a dozen, surrounding you.
if not, please get one or some. please. your life – and the woman you know yourself to be – will transform.
the first step is learning how to trust your own bad self, your own woman’s body, so you become that open, confident, tail-swinging, trustable woman who attracts similar women, to her.
so here’s a nice practice, to start it off, and start rocking your own unique brand of the feminine:
1. start with your envy of her. (really)
let’s say her six-pack abs make you green.
2. then, ask yourself if you had that thing you envy, how would it make you feel? what would it make possible for you? (really dig down on this one)
let’s say you come up with something like:
it would make you feel powerful, strong and sexy. it would then be possible to feel lovable and capable of having a beautiful relationship.
3. KNOW THIS: you would not notice that thing in her, if it wasn’t beginning to burn and blossom in you.
that’s how it goes with women. you wouldn’t even perceive her abs (that shorthand for power, strength, sexiness, lovability, etc) if the potential wasn’t IN YOU ALREADY.
4. so, lastly, ask yourself, “in what ways can i notice that in ME today?”
so, in the six-pack-abs example, you’d ask yourself, “in what ways can I notice my power, strength and sexiness today? and while I’m at it, my absolute lovability?”
if you let her, your sweet self will begin to gather evidence of your lovability; she’ll collect examples of your power and strength to lay at your feet and she’ll wink at you, “oo-la-la, sexy!” many, many times in your day.
5. join the conversation below and share the thing you tend to be most envious of, in other women.
do you tend to notice her six-pack abs or luscious hair? that she makes “six figures” and drives a hot-shot car? that she always seems at peace within herself?
and hey, i’ll share, too. only fair, right? i bet you that my flavor of “other-woman-envy” might come as a surprise 😉
(envy doesn’t go away, you just get better and better at transforming it!)
to YOU, stepping fully into this kind of woman (and surrounding yourself with a bunch, too),