Dear friend,

Today I asked myself what in the world I have to offer you (that is good and true), that is worth reading (when you’re probably flooded), that is in line with what you rely on me for – which is (as I see it) perspectives and practices that can make a real difference in your day-to-day.

I drew a blank.

But then I asked myself a question – a question that is actually a perspective and a practice that can make a real difference in the day-to-day.

Asking it, answering it, and then taking action on it, shifted my attention and moved my energy, which in turn reconnected me with my body and feelings, which in turn realigned me with my values and my gifts.

It’s that question that I’m sharing with you today: The Pleasure Question.

The Pleasure Question: A Radical Reclamation

This one simple question can change how you experience your body, your energy, your relationships, and your sense of self.

It’s a question I ask myself all day, every day, and I teach my clients, students, and friends to do the same:

How can I make this moment more pleasurable for myself?

It might sound small, even indulgent, but don’t be fooled – this question is potentially revolutionary.

But, let me break it down.

{By the way, it’s from my first book, Feminine Genius: The Provocative Path to Waking Up and Turning On the Wisdom of Being a Woman, which you can check out here.}

What do I mean by pleasure?

By pleasure, I don’t mean overindulgence or excess. I mean an expansion of your senses – what you see, hear, touch, taste, smell, and intuit – so that you experience more aliveness, more presence, more connection.

Pleasure is personal.

What delights you may not be what delights me, and that’s exactly the point. Your pleasure is an ongoing research project – an invitation to discover what truly enlivens you.

For one person, pleasure might mean belting out their favorite song. For another, it might be sinking into a hot bath or opening the window. For yet another, it might be an act of generosity, like buying a sandwich for a stranger.

These infusions of life-force can come in grand, sweeping form, but likely it’s more of a ‘micro-pleasure,’ a relatively small feeling, action, or thought that brings with it a great reset.

The answer to The Pleasure Question for me this morning (when I was drawing a blank about what to share with you) was a cup of vanilla-scented black tea in a mug my son made for me when he was six, with honey.

Something relatively simple and low-cost. Available within the reach of my arms. That sparked my senses, sharpened my focus, and set my fingers a-typing this to you.

What brings you pleasure is uniquely yours to uncover and will likely be different moment-to-moment and day-to-day.

During which moments should you ask The Pleasure Question?

Ask it anytime. All the time.

Ask it when you’re in a moment of irritation, boredom, disconnection – waiting in a long grocery store line, stuck in traffic, on hold with customer service, or having a moment of writer’s block, like me this morning.

Ask it in moments of joy – during a great conversation, a delicious meal, a gorgeous sunset – when things are already good, and see if you can turn the dial from good to great.

And yes, ask it even in those intimate, soul-igniting moments – whether dancing, making love, or witnessing something breathtaking. Ask yourself: How can I make this moment (even more!) pleasurable for myself?

Wait. ‘For myself?’ Isn’t that selfish?

If this question makes you squirm, you’re not alone.

Many of us (most of us) have been conditioned to believe that prioritizing pleasure, let alone for ourselves, is selfish, frivolous, or even narcissistic.

Shouldn’t we be thinking about others? Shouldn’t we be productive? Shouldn’t we be grateful for what we already have before we go wanting more?

Here’s the truth: anyone who is lit up with pleasure is a force of nature – especially those of us conditioned to think of everyone else first, be productive to the point of over-working, override our body’s signals, and disconnect from our intuitive knowing.

When you are lit up with pleasure, you will be more compassionate, more present, more generous, more inspired. You will be more in touch with what you want, need, love, and know.

Pleasure nourishes you from within, which in turn makes you more generous because you have more to give. But you give from a place of plenty rather than depletion.

When you feel good in your body and in your life, your energy shifts. Your work benefits. Your relationships deepen. Your ability to listen to your own inner knowing sharpens.

Instead of running on stress and depletion, you operate from clarity, confidence, and care.

Why prioritizing your pleasure is a radical act

I’m sure it hasn’t escaped your notice that we live in a world that glorifies productivity, busyness, and burnout. We are taught to push ourselves past the point of exhaustion.

And while there is nothing wrong with focus and ambition, an over-reliance on the grind, creates imbalance.

When you are too much in stress mode, your body is flooded with cortisol and adrenaline, which can lead to exhaustion, mood swings, hormone imbalances, inflammation, and burnout.

Pleasure, on the other hand, allows your system to relax, recalibrate, and receive. It isn’t about doing nothing – it’s about cultivating a state where you are more creative, more attuned, and more alive. And it’s about – rather radically – insisting on living as much of your life as possible, from that state.

And yes, choosing pleasure may make you feel uncomfortable at first. It may challenge cultural expectations. It may even feel lonely at times to prioritize your joy when the world seems to insist that suffering is a virtue.

But, First name / dear one. Your purpose in this life is not to dim your light to maintain the status quo.

Instead, burn brightly – not just for yourself, but for all of us.

Your invitation

So here’s my invitation to you: start asking yourself The Pleasure Question:

How can I make this moment more pleasurable for myself?

And then do, say, think, or feel what you hear.

Try it for a day, a week, a month.

Ask it in the small, ordinary moments. Ask it when you least feel like it. Ask it when you’re already feeling good, just to see what happens.

Let it become a reflex, a daily devotion, a quiet revolution.

Because when you live prioritizing your own pleasure, you don’t just change the quality and perhaps the trajectory of your day – you change your little corner of the world.

Yours in pleasure,

PS: dear one, have you read or listened to my first book, Feminine Genius: The Provocative Path to Waking Up and Turning On the Wisdom of Being a Woman?

You can get book bonuses along with your purchase, which you can check out here.