a couple months ago, i was invited by Your Tango to create a series of videos along with John Gray (the Mars/Venus guy) and some other great minds/hearts in the relationship sphere and i'd love to share a hot one with you today … it's on jealousy.

jealousy's a hard one.  some say THE hardest one.

i say it can be a blessing.  i say, throw your jealousy a party.

the shelf life of any emotion can be only a few minutes when we neither feed it nor deny it.  often, if we feel it fully and drink in the wisdom contained in it, it passes of it’s own accord.  otherwise it can stay for a lifetime.

this is a practice i call the Strong Emotion Tea Party.  

you take a STRONG emotion, like jealousy, and instead of inflaming it or trying to douse it, you invite it to sit down with you at the table, you pour you both a fragrant, steaming cup of consciousness, and you get CURIOUS.

you can do this practice after or before the strong emotion occurs, by setting some time aside, getting quiet and asking yourself these questions, as a writing exercise.  you can also do it in the moment when you experience said strong emotion.

here it goes:

1. identify a strong emotion.  envy and jealousy are great ones to use.

2. track the emotion in your body and take a catalogue of your physical sensations:

what are you feeling and where are you feeling it?  (for example, a tight abdomen, a flush in your face, your heart beating faster, etc.)

if this alone is intense, practice visualizing the sensations running throughout your body, collecting at your center, and then running down your legs and feet into the ground (like a grounding rod would with lightening).

3. what is the belief that goes with this emotion?

what might this mean about you or your life?  what could happen as a result?

what is the worst-case scenario, if all that happened?  (really go there).  would you be able to handle it?

4. what does this emotion have to say to or request of you?

yes, personify and anthropomorphize the strong emotion.  give it lungs and lips.  ask (and listen): what is it’s positive intention is for you?  what superpower of yours might it be linked to?

for example, it's positive intention for you might be to keep you from getting your heart shredded again.  or to keep you connected to your mother, since her most prominent emotion was jealousy.

and superpower?  perhaps (as you ask and listen), you hear that your jealousy is connected to your amazing ability to call bullshit on a situation (including yourself).

5. if this emotion were pointing out ways you are dimming your light, what areas of yourself and your life can you brighten?
[tweet me, hot stuff!]

 

(this is the best part! worth the whole party! and the perfect topic to comment on, below, yo!)

6. if this emotion was a sign to let you know, “it’s your turn to shine” what would be your next step?

optional: notice that you didn’t die, and it wasn’t too much to bear, even though it may have been quite intense and painful.

seriously sassy love,