Ah, dear one,
Among the top things my clients want — and what humans in general want — is an epic er0tic life.
‘Er0tic’ definitely includes s#x, but our longing for the er*tic is not just about the s*xual, it’s about pleasure, enjoyment, happiness, satisfaction, sensuality, intimacy, and closeness, with a partner as well as with oneself.
Put simply,
the er*tic is life-force energy,
a rich sense of aliveness in your body.
[I have an exercise for you at the end, so stay tuned]
Read on, or watch the video version:
About 20 years ago, I took a weekend workshop about sensuality. It wasn’t a course about s&x or partners; it was a solo exploration.
It was an exploration of sensuality as aliveness, as life-force energy.
A question got posed in that course:
Are you waiting for someone else to make you happy?
Are you waiting to experience pleasure and satisfaction and enjoyment until you’ve earned it or until someone else gives it to you?
Pondering that question, as someone who felt chronically unsatisfied in life and love, I had to ask myself, who am I as someone who can be happy?
Yes, I felt chronically unsatisfied, but was I actually unsatisfiable?
And if so, why?
And most importantly,
how could I get the reins
to my life-force
back in my own hands?
Our homework one evening of the workshop was a solo exploration into pleasure and eros.
As instructed, I set up the room I was in as though I were setting up for a date with someone wonderful. I brought in things that would bring alive my five senses — flowers to see, chocolate to taste, music to hear, a scented candle to smell, and my own hands to touch.
As instructed, I took time to treat myself, see myself, touch myself, listen to myself, the way I wished another would treat, see, listen to, and touch me.
When I put my attention on my five senses, on the er%tic, on my aliveness, and when I spent time with myself the way I wished another would, it was mind blowing.
I realized that most of the time in my life, my attention wasn’t often on my five senses or opening to the pleasure of the moment, but rather on my dissatisfaction.
When I focused on
what I was experiencing in my body
— my pleasure, my experience, my aliveness —
I realized two astonishing things:
1. That I had been treating pleasure and sensuality and even sexuality as something that was reserved for someone else.
I had been living as though it wasn’t for me; it was for a partner.
2. That in claiming er0s for myself, I realized that I now had the ‘dial’ that controlled how much happiness or pleasure or satisfaction I could feel.
I controlled the dial, not anyone else.
I was able to bring that absolutely immediately back into my own life and have more pleasurable, rich, satisfying experiences in my day-to-day.
And ironically, things were that much more rich and satisfying when there was a partner present.
So, here’s a place to start
with having an epic erotic life.
1. Look for and follow the sparks of aliveness in your life, especially ones that show up through your five senses — what you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell.
2. Put your attention on whatever you are feeling, tasting, seeing, touching, hearing.
Let it permeate you. Take it in. Be with the spark of aliveness and grow it. Make it richer, deeper, brighter.
As an example, imagine there’s a song that comes on. You feel a bit more life-force energy, more pleasure, more joy as you listen. Let the sounds into your body. Maybe you move your body, maybe you sing along.
Or the next time you take a bite of dessert or have your own meal, savor it, taste it, be with it. Feel the mmmmmmm of it in your mouth, going down your throat, into your belly.
That spark of aliveness
is a spark of the er0tic.
And there you are, in your aliveness, growing it, making it richer, making it your own, bringing it to your life and the people in it.
Where can an epic er*tic life start
but right here, right now,
with you?
To your epic er&tic life,
PS: The exercise I did in that workshop is one I’ve kept with me for all these decades. I’ve refined it over the years and to this day offer it to clients and in my mentorship program, Meant To Be, because it is so darn powerful.
Meant To Be is a 6-month, small-group mastermind, where you’ll revise your sh!tty old beliefs, reclaim your sensuality, source your inner guidance, let loose your desires, and create an intentional reinvention.
We begin June 7.
There are still spots open, but doors are closing soon.
Come take a look and see if it’s meant to be for you!